The white dress. The flowers. The gifts. The guests. The cake. The vows. All of the excitement and hope of a wedding day, all wrapped in a beautiful tulle bow, over time becomes faded memories reserved for anniversaries. Mind you no bride in the throws of planning and menu tasting can even fathom that “her” day won’t be front and center of all thoughts forever, but alas lovelies, it’s true. The carriage truly becomes a pumpkin the day after the ceremony.
Life is hectic seasons in marriage impacted by jobs, moves, kids, finances and just everyday stress. A blushing bride can quickly become a grumbling wife.
- Why does he drop his stuff everywhere?
- Why does his mother still hate me?
- Why is he playing video games instead of talking to me?
The walk down memory lane of that fanciful day makes one pause to recall the sweet time becoming man and wife. However for some women they do not romanticize their wedding day nor do they care to recall it often. The walk down memory lane is simply too uncomfortable for a wife living in a home with abuse, a loveless marriage or a cruel spouse.
To replay how it all could have been different avoiding this marital train wreck had she been a runaway bride is too much. Now she’s a lonely wife.
- Why is he so cruel?
- Why does my stomach turn at the thought of intimacy with him?
- Why is he checking up on me all the time?
The difference for the two brides detailed above is that one is married to a Peter and one is married to a Judas.
Neither man is perfect. Neither man makes her life perfectly charmed. Yet only one man is safe to live with – and he’s only hurting your feelings with his foot in mouth penchant.
For history sake you might recall that Peter was a fisherman, one who was casting his nets on a normal blue collar day. Upon hearing Jesus on the shore telling him to come along and be fishers of men he left the security of a family business right there on the spot. Love your neighbor like yourself? Blessed are the least of these as they shall be the greatest? Radical speak! Nothing like that had ever been said and Peter knew he wanted to be a part of Jesus’ brotherhood.
Judas joined the ranks of this new gang of believers yet the Bible doesn’t share his reasons. At the very least we can conclude that he was wise with money as he was charged with overseeing donations in a treasurer role. Spoiler alert! This role is his undoing at the end when jealousy and pride take over. Perhaps Judas was trustworthy, charming and confident. But before he helps with the trumped up arrest of Jesus in the Garden of Gesthemenie we see Peter and Judas’ true hearts.
Peter’s heart has a love to obey his Teacher, but a mouth that has no guard. Brash, bold, a bit crass and totally a guy you’d want to have a beer with at the end of a long day out on a boat. More trashy than classy, this is the guy who lobs off the ear of a Roman soldier when they come to arrest his Master. The kind of guy who would help you bury the body I dare say. Someone who’s got your back and even told Jesus he was willing to die for him, yet in less than 12 hours he has denied Jesus three times outright in a public courtyard.
Shame, humiliation, total back stabber, lowest of the low. I can’t imagine the names Peter called himself afterwards. However even after Jesus’ death we find Peter has returned to fishing. Yet God’s not done with him. Jesus pursues him out on that boat yet again, cooking breakfast by the shore and convincing Peter that God has plans for his life. And boy does he ever.
But Judas didn’t get the same treatment. In fact Jesus warned him he knew his evil plans at the Last Supper where Peter was also warned of his upcoming denial. However Jesus pretty much told Judas run along and finish his scheming which would result in Christ’s death and Judas’ suicide.
Why did they both receive warnings but only one got a “hall pass” so to speak?
My uneducated best guess is that Jesus knew the condition of their hearts. Pride, concern, fear and all of those ugly human emotions drove the decisions these two made, but at the end of the day one strove to be like Christ and one strove to undo Christ.
By now you probably know if you are married to a Peter or to a Judas. Frustrations with your partner are inevitable, even if he’s an amazingly wonderful husband. Bringing two life experiences together is rarely a smooth transition. And if you lived together before marriage, odds aren’t in your favor that it’s any easier.
With every other marriage ending in divorce in America there are easily one million other reasons for failure, but understanding the condition of the heart can start to clarify next steps if you are a wedding ring wearing lonely girl. More to come about that at a later date sweet friends.