Can you believe that 2015 is coming to an end? We stand in the gap of memories and moments from 2015 while we anticipate the milestones and magic of 2016. For some of us this is an exciting time. All the “what if” possibilities can be an all-time high! It’s what I love about the Olympic Opening Ceremonies. There’s such promise. Such hope. For my best friend, standing in the gap between exhaustion from the holidays and the pressure to make this “the best year ever” again she literally recoils at the mention of Resolutions. It’s like Pollyanna and Negative Nelly forged a lifelong friendship despite the odds.
When I was little up through post college on December 31st you’d find me writing out my New Year’s Resolutions usually broken up into categories. Like Jeopardy, but where all the categories are pretty much weight, inches, fat loss and promises to change so much about myself there was more hope I’d succeed if I could get a personality transplant. Within days of my Resolution-High I’d be hopeless, forlorn and demoralized because I had set the bar so high it was unattainable. Yet instead of seeing my goals as ridiculous I saw myself as ridiculous. And the roller coaster ride of low self-worth would start up again. Not until I could see my own worth did the addiction to New Year’s ridiculous resolutions subside.
In January of 2014, I was almost one-year post final c-section and looking at a closet full of clothes I could hear mocking me as I reached past cute outfits of sizes past to grab the stretched out yoga pants once again. I decided that I’d join a friend and do the Gold’s Gym 12 week Challenge to see what my best me could be. If you are lost you can read the full story here.
But Guess What?
I finally succeeded in the physical category not to mention the mental and self-worth categories too! In fact, I succeeded beyond my wildest dreams and actually won for my state then nabbed 10th nationally. So what made my resolution that year to be the best me possible stick? After decades of failures how did I get myself from tears of agony at the “before” pictures to tears of joy at the “after” photo session? I can absolutely say it was my mindset. That I finally saw my worth not through the size on the label of my clothing, but through the eyes of my daughter who I wanted to grow up thinking strong was healthy.
That sweating every day was just something I did for myself – not as a punishment or in a mad frenzy on a countdown to an event. When it clicked that my worth was worthy of my mind not spending significant amounts of each day calculating calories burned or beating myself up for gorging on guilty pleasures I had denied myself then my mind carried me through the early morning gym classes or healthy batch cooking I endured.
It was intense, it was organized and it was maddening some days but I knew that my Resolution had to be my Reality if I were to succeed in breaking the cycle of using food as only a reward or a punishment. It’s been almost two years and since then I’ve not only maintained the inches lost, but I’ve become a certified fitness instructor, a nutrition rep, increased my overall muscle and fitness plus have been able to drop the neurotic December 31st ritual of unattainable resolutions in just knowing that some days I crush it. And to be honest there are days I blow it too! But I lace up my gym shoes the next day no matter what, I give myself some grace, I make sure my daughter sees me make healthy choices and I thank the good Lord that every day can be an Opening Ceremony with the right frame of mind. I pray, that same peace for your New Year and for to recognize your own worth, even if nobody has told you what is true: you are worthy of a peaceful mind, a joyful heart and a blessed year ahead.