Have you ever thought what it would be like to hear Adam & Eve talk it out with a marriage counselor? I have because I’m quirky like that. And I’m sharing my thoughts today. Enjoy!
Adam: Honestly doc it’s a lot harder than I ever imagined. I mean God warned us when He kicked us out of the Garden of Eden, but boy is it tough out there in the real world.
Counselor: How so?
Adam: Well before I just had to “tend” the garden by walking around to enjoy its abundant fruit and beauty, but now it’s back breaking work toiling in the dirt trying to get anything to grow with all of the thistles and thorns.
Counselor: So no success gardening? What about hunting?
Adam: It’s a mind shift for sure, I mean the animals were all my friends before, well, you know . . .
Eve: Before what Adam? What?! Before WE ate the fruit of the tree of good and knowledge? Go ahead. Say it!!
Adam: Who ate it first Eve? Before there was any WE? Who brought the darn fruit to ME?!
Eve: Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?? You’re the one God told about the tree before I was even a dream in your rib!!
Adam: I told you what God warned us about Eve way before you started chatting it up with that serpent. I totally told you!!
Counselor: Now now you two, we’ve reviewed this situation before and as I recall . . .
Eve: As I recall I was still right! He never told me not to eat that fruit and even when that stupid snake appeared Adam was right there having a grand ol’ snack time shooting the breeze about shedding skin and laying out in the sun with us. Not until God shows up did Adam get all “whoa there God this was all THAT woman’s fault!”
Adam: I’m pretty sure I didn’t say THAT woman.
Eve: Oh because THE woman sounds so much better?!! It’s Eve for garden’s sake. You freakin’ chose my name Adam! You have a rib missing, we’ve been hanging out all naked while you’ve given me your whole “leave and cleave flesh of my flesh” speech one thousand times, but when it’s all said and done you throw me under the bus!
Adam: What’s a bus?
Eve: Do you see that? Do you hear him?! He’s always questioning me.
Counselor: Technically that was a valid question Eve.
Eve: Oh so now you’re taking his side too? Well I bet he forgot to tell you we don’t have any money to pay for this counseling session? Oh that’s news to you? Well imagine how I felt after getting kicked out of the Garden because Adam failed to mention perhaps the.most.important.bit.of.instruction to me!
Adam: I told you Eve like one hundred times.
Eve: The man who can recall every name of every animal ever to walk the face of the earth but he can’t recall to tell his wife something that’s gonna cost us free rent and groceries for life let alone curse me with the most excruciating two labors any woman on this planet has ever experienced??!!
Adam: You are the only woman on the planet.
Eve: Seriously?! You recall that detail but you can’t remember to tell me “hey babe, probably keep due north from that wicked tree that will cause you 32 hours of back labor and 25 stitches if you eat its fruit!”
Adam: You weren’t listening Eve! How come every fight it’s always my fault?
Eve: Whatever. I gotta go. My boys aren’t getting along and the sitter won’t watch them longer than an hour because she swears they’re gonna kill each other one day.
In suspending disbelief above I have a great desire sometimes for a bit of Paul Harvey’s “now for the rest of the story” details on many Bible stories. And not just the first “Real World” episode of Adam and Eve post-garden-living, but even questions like how did they keep the ark poop and hairball free? What really happened between Moses and his wife for her to leave him high and dry in the desert? What was the conversation truly like between Mary and Joseph as they frantically headed back to the temple to find their lost son? See I like details. I am one to marinate in the stories of my friends and interview them while they are telling me a story whether it be gut wrenching or silly. Maybe it’s the former journalist in me. Lots of “wait” and “hold on” and “back up” causes what was a 15 minute chat to now be a 45 minute detail ladened screenplay. But that’s just me. It most certainly, however, is not my husband. This is how one of our classic conversations went with my beloved who eschews details for data:
Me: Hey did Wendy ever have her baby? It’s been like 11 months now.
Beloved: Oh, yeah, she did.
Beloved: Well what?
Me: What did she have?
Beloved: A baby.
Me: Funny. Did she have a boy or girl?
Beloved: I’m not sure.
Me: What do you mean you’re not sure?!
Beloved: I didn’t ask.
I kid you not. It’s like a 50/50 chance boy or girl and he couldn’t even take a guess. Dumbfounded does not begin to explain my reaction. Or my realization that perhaps we are even more different than Mars and Venus. At least those two are planets and have that detail in common.
Even in Genesis, the first book of the Bible, it’s noted midway in Chapter 2 that God gave Adam the freedom to eat from any tree in the Garden of Eden except from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil or he would surely die. It’s not until the end of Chapter 2 that God creates Eve as a partner to Adam just in time for Chapter 3 when the “Fall of Man” transpires thanks to their joint penchant for fresh fruit. The two subsequently get evicted so I must imagine that what transpired as they got told to “hit the road” constitutes as the first marital communication breakdown recorded in world history. Hence the possible banter with the marriage counselor as noted above.
But in real life communication is touted within marriage from pre-marital counseling to exclusive aisles in Barnes and Nobel dedicated to the topic. Every year a new slew of best sellers are released advocating how to talk to your man or speak truth to your woman. You can’t not see it’s all about communicate, communicate, communicate. So one might think as a society we’d have this communication thing nailed. And sidenote my undergraduate degree says “Communications” on it for goodness sake. My husband likes to point that out anytime we have a break down in communication. He’s clever like that.
Stop back for the rest of my thoughts on this marriage thing!! It’s the communication edition!!