So I’ve decided to launch a blog. Launch? Is that right? Or is that just for ships? Unleash a new blog? Contribute a blog? Oh lands I’ve already stumbled out of the gate. Seems rather appropriate given how life is at this stage in my life.
One foot in front of the other, trying to steady myself for a fantastic – memory worthy – life changing – heart altering day . . . only to stumble by 7 AM realizing we are running behind to get to preschool drop off or I’ve already raised my voice at my kids (yes folks, I default to yelling then right into guilt. It ain’t a pretty cycle.)
Or I’ve already promised myself that tomorrow morning I will be more organized, more patient, more Donna Reed like. Is this your house? Am I the only one who does not ever want a reality show TV crew following my every move behind closed doors? Well if you are in a baby/toddler/preschool/short people chapter in life perhaps this is a blog that will at the very least allow you to say “oh blessed heart I’m not the only one feeling this way?”
And how do you know you are in that chapter of life? Because when older well meaning lovely ladies come up to you while your child is melting down in the middle of the grocery store to say “one day you are going to miss all of this” your initial response is to throw a child her way and yell “Oh yea? Well watch this one for 30 minutes and tell me you still believe that?!”
There are amazing blogs out there. I’m signed up on their distribution lists to feed my soul, quiet my heart, awake new passions, provide Biblical “ah ha” moments, ignite my spirit or see the world for how God can use me in it. This is not gonna be one of those blogs. I’m still working out my garbage so I don’t trip over the past and therefore miss out on the present – or God forbid repeat mistakes in the future!
And this isn’t going to be a “this is the only way to parent” blog either. You’re welcome. More like a “how the heck do you parent this stage we are in??” cry of panic sent out to the World Wide Web for guidance! And who are all these Mommies waging war against other Mommies? Do y’all know these women? I love the posts and the Kumbaya vibe going on that we are all parents at the end of the day but really? I’m sure in my mind I’ve judged how others parent. I don’t need that newsflash. Nor the newsflash that I haven’t exactly found the holy grail on how to get a kid to reflect my vision of “be quiet” in a waiting room without handing off my phone as bribery.
Then again I used to get the “Miss Congeniality” award in small town pageants. Never the crown mind you, just the vanilla “nice girl” award. Back in Prehistoric times I would never have been clubbed for taking the last bite of wooly mammoth nor would I have worried about being burned at the stake in Hester Prine’s days because I am a polite rules follower who dreads confrontation. Where all of my girlfriends have an assigned role – like she’s the one who would bury the body and she’s the one who would drive the get away car – one in particular has the role of hearing me word vomit my concerns about a situation when I don’t want to be rude. She scripts out how I must address the person to make my needs known to show I do have a backbone. She knows who she is reading this. And I’m well aware she is so over this role that she might be calling the girlfriend who would bury the body to see about digging a 5’6″ grave for yours truly any day now.
So what nuggets can you expect from my entry in to the blogosphere? Pure gems my friend. Gems like how I grudgingly shave my legs every stinking night because I had a friend once tell me her Spanish teacher was in a full body cast for six months and all the teacher wanted to do when she was cut out was shave her legs so never take soft legs for granted. And I don’t even talk to the friend anymore but some Spanish teacher from 25 years ago haunts me in my shower every.single.night! Other gems include how I wobble between hurrying up my three children ages six and under to get through the day then as I kiss their sweet sleeping faces at night I panic that I can’t slow this time down for I know it’s a very physical stage in life keeping these little monkeys alive but whoa nelly am I not prepared for the mental games of pre teen years and beyond.
Another gem is the fact that I have a pile of parenting books on my nightstand with intent to read but sweet sleep wins out every time. And gems that when I do read terrific books that shake me to my core (don’t even get me started on “Radical”) I can envision significant priority shifts and monumental changes for my family but as days repeat on in an almost Groundhog Day cycle not much changes except dirty diapers. My “threenager” daughter’s new response is “Whatever” which I hear again right after reading a post of a mommy friend sharing how her 3 year old is telling strangers her story of salvation and laying hands to pray new souls into heaven right in the WalGreens check out line. Well maybe it’s not that dramatic. The kid is actually 5. But it feels that way when you are up to your elbows in children, meal planning, budget overseeing (or be it budget juggling, justifying, cursing) and remembering that you are a wife too. Don’t even get me started on blessing the single mothers out there who do all of this alone. Or even the married ones who behind closed doors are also emotionally alone.
We are all carrying a burden so hedged between laughing and lamenting together how do we do it? With Jesus. In my case I’m not doing any of this in a pretty fashion, but I’m not doing it alone. With Jesus. For you girls hanging onto His hem just making it through the day wondering if it’s child neglect to serve grilled cheese sandwiches for the 7th meal in a row, I hope I can give you a chuckle or a virtual hug that our best is enough. With Jesus. I’m a work in progress. It has taken decades and offspring to make me see outside of myself. With Jesus I’m making it and realizing pouring back into others is even more rewarding than a new pair of boots or seeing a smaller number on the scale. And that my friends is proof that with Jesus this Miss Congeniality can improve. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a bag of mixed nuts, but if your moment is just a little sweeter from seeing how this mess of a Momma is making it (insert “with Jesus” here if you caught the theme already) then I’m your girl.
So let’s see where journeying together takes us . . .